Lineage.

If you are fortunate, you will go on a trip that will amaze you and change you.  This past trip to the Philippines did just that.

The reason I went was a tragic one, but it was healing to be there.  My grandma's wake was my first Filipino wake and I have to say that I much prefer Filipino wakes to North American ones, especially if it is the loss of a dearly loved family member.  A North American one is too short - it is usually one extremely sad day of saying goodbye, with the burial usually right afterwards.

When my grandpa on my mother's side passed away, I wasn't able to go.  His wake went on for 8 days at his house.  There were many visitors and a lot of food.  His body was never alone.  

My grandma (dad's side) passed away on a Thursday.  I booked a flight for Saturday and landed in the Philippines on Sunday evening.  I still got to see my grandma for the days until her burial on Wednesday. Of course at first when my parents and I encountered her coffin, the grief was overwhelming.  

But the titos and titas were there.  Her good friends were there.  My cousins were there.  There was plenty of conversation and food (you know how Filipinos roll).  Blood is indeed thick - I felt at ease and comforted instantly by these relatives who I am half a world away from 99% of the time.  I eventually accepted that my grandma's body was there with us, so that we could celebrate her life and say goodbye in the next few days.  One of my uncles even slept at the funeral home.  My grandma was never alone.  And she looked so pretty and peaceful in the coffin - like she was simply asleep.

Last but not least, there were beautiful pictures of my grandma.  This, combined with the conversations, enlightened me with much about my grandma's life.  When I was growing up, Nanay Carmen was a gentle presence in my life.  Her laugh was gentle and even her scolding was gentle.  Her faith in the Roman Catholic church was an unwavering behemoth though, and we all never doubted it, not even once.  So to me, she was always a sweet, elegant lady who always went to church.  

After this trip, I now realize that Nanay Carmen was gentle but she was resourceful and tough too.  Her life was not easy.  She had to raise ten kids on her own without much support, or a career (as a woman in her 30's I cannot even begin to fathom that).  

In her late forties, she was determined to go back to school and get her degree. And she did, despite being a single mom of ten.  Her graduation picture was at the wake, right beside a more recent picture of her in her 90's (see how lovely she stayed?):

I also saw for the very first time pictures of Nanay Carmen as a little girl!  This was my favourite:

I learned that religious devotion ran in her father's bloodline, which produced numerous priests.  

I learned that she willingly wanted to be raised in the convent when she was older (I always assumed she was hidden there like other Filipinas to spare them from Japanese soldier rapists during the war).  She was already devoted to the Catholic faith at an age when most well-to-do young women are thinking of fashion and boys.

It was a nun from that convent that introduced my Nanay Carmen to her future husband, Rafael.  

Here is where my mind gets blown away.  

Let's fast forward past beautiful scenery, heat, many relatives, delicious food ... and even sad Third World reminders like begging children and caged dogs ... 

At the funeral, I met Lola Lita and her daughter, who were kind enough to invite me to Lola Lita's house in Dagupan and also take me out to dinner and tell me stories and show me pictures of my Garcia lineage.  Lola Lita is the baby sister of my late grandpa (Rafael).  I ended up seeing a picture of the very nun who introduced my Nanay Carmen to Rafael at Lola Lita's house:

The nun is the lady to the right of the matriarch.  That matriarch in the center, that lady with the white hair, is the nun's mother.  The man to the left of the matriarch is her son, who is my great-great grandpa.  Yup, that matriarch is my great-great-great grandmother!  I can't get over the precious gift of seeing a picture like this.     

The icing on the cake?  The man to the left of the matriarch married a Mercado (my great-great grandma) who was FRIGGIN RELATED TO JOSE RIZAL - NATIONAL HERO OF THE PHILIPPINES. 

AND I JUST READ HIS BOOKS LAST YEAR.  To find out I am linked to this man - a doctor who was shot for writing novels that moved the Filipinos against their Spaniard colonizers - is overwhelmingly incredible.

Closer to me on the family tree are my grandpa's brothers, one of whom was assasinated for writing articles that exposed corruption.  One played the violin.  Lola Lita played the piano.  Doctors, writers, musicians.  Lola Lita's daughter still competes in ballroom and she is probably at least in her mid-50's (and doesn't look it at all).  

I remember visiting my grandpa in Vermont before he died, while he was sick.  A lightbulb went off in my head when I saw his beautiful library, where books were organized by section.  Books and books and books!  I realize now that I can't help but be a bookworm and I can't help urges to write ... it's in the blood :)  

I also got to spend a bit of time with my mom's younger brother's family and visit my grandpa's grave.  My mom's side is full of music in the form of self-taught musicians and singers.  I discovered on this trip that mom even taught herself (and my tito, her younger brother) to play guitar.  It was great to sit in my tito's house and listen to him and my mom sing and play guitar.  If you go further back, my grandpa's siblings wrote and performed their own street plays.  

Here is my grandpa and his favourite and homemade banjo (which is currently kept at my tito's house):

It is bittersweet to look at pics like this.  I didn't get to know my grandpa (mom's side) as well as I should have - it was too dangerous to visit him in Mindanao when I was a kid - but I do have one faint childhood memory of him:  I remember sitting on his knee and him laughing and smiling.   If only I got to know him more and not just through mom's colourful childhood stories, which still make her teary-eyed.

My enjoyment of dance and performance and sometimes a-bit-too-carefree-attitude definitely comes from him :)  

I should get to bed ... I could think about this and look at pictures for hours, just wondering about which bits and pieces of these amazing people have carried on in me.  

Rest in Peace lolos and lolas, great lolos and great lolas, great-great lolos and great-great lolas ...

Thanks for making me me.

Well Hello Again Makati.

My uncle was kind enough to book us a hotel room with a nice view of Makati:

I had fresh fruits for breakfast (mmm ... mango) and I feel pretty well-rested.  Not feeling jet lagged at all!  It helps that I am comatose on planes.  

Landing in the Manila airport was a better experience than ten years ago.  I was able to refuse help and insist on taking my luggage by myself.  A decade ago I was like a deer in headlights as luggage handlers fought and even punched each other to carry my luggage.  

There was a SUPER SNOTTY woman though.  Not to me, but to the poor customs guy.  She thought she was too good to fill out her customs form (even though the flight attendants on the plane re-iterated numerous times that we had to fill out our customs forms which were handed out to us) and became extremely rude when he told her to fill one out.  She must've thought that as a Filipina with a different passport (she was in the "foreign passport" line up with me) she was entitled to do whatever the hell she wanted.  I saw the form she gave him at the end and it was still only half-assed filled out.  He was nice enough to say "please ma'am fill it out properly next time" and she walked away in a huff with her nose in the air.  This was one of those moments where it would've been nice to bypass the "respect-your-elders" rule. 

I guess she had some warped hierarchy in her head where she was above local Filipinos.  Ugh.  People like that are something else.  I would like to see her try and do that to a Canadian customs officer.

In an hour, one of my cousins will be picking us up to meet with everyone else. The circumstances are tragic, but I am excited to see everyone again and reminisce about Nanay Carmen.  It'll be interesting to see the traffic.  Last night when my uncle and aunt picked us up, the traffic was not too bad at all.  They said it was because everyone was in mourning over Pacquiao's loss to Mayweather.

A Squirt of Happy.

I'm currently at the Seattle airport en route to the Philippines (man, Seattle seems colder than Edmonton right now!).  

While I was still in the security line up at US customs in Edmonton, I had a squishy warm fuzzy happy moment of comfort.  There was a really sweet lady in front of me and she was taking longer than average to open her bag so I started to wonder.  She pulled out a 9 week old golden retriever puppy and I completely melted.  It was a little female named Violet and she curled up right under that lady's chin like a baby.  

I was obviously gushing over little Violet because the lady LET ME HOLD THE FLUFFY GOLDEN BUNDLE OF JOY ADFAD;FKJ;WLDJL;ADSKNVLKADSN  AND IT CURLED UP RIGHT INTO MY NECK LIKE A LITTLE BABY and I melted into smithereens.  

Just imagine this snuggling up under your chin (photo from till.com - I wanted to take a pic of Violet so bad but I'm fairly sure that's a no-no in US customs):

It's almost too much loveable cuteness to handle.  It was the best thing that's ever happened to me in security.  

Again, maybe I'm making something out of nothing but I would like to think that it was Nanay Carmen sending me a moment of comfort via her and my favourite form of four-legged fur baby.

Thanks Nanay :)  I love you too.

R.I.P. Nanay Carmen

While mooching off my parents' Costco membership last weekend, I randomly grabbed a book called The Divinity of Dogs at Costco.  I read it this past week and ended up crying like a baby for pretty much every dog story.  I was surprised at how much I feeling, and just assumed that it was because I adopted my first rescue dog and so am now that much more sensitive to stories of dogs that have been mistreated.

Little did I know that my grandma was in the hospital at that time.  Yesterday morning I found out she was in the ICU.  I thought she would pull through but I still googled flights to the Philppines thinking that I should visit her sometime soon.  She seemed so strong and healthy when I talked to her over the phone just this March (her 93rd birthday).  We laughed about my "Tag-lish."  I told her I wanted to visit her next year (it really hurts to remember how sure and eager I was).

At around 5pm I found out that she passed away from pneumonia complications.  Total devastation.  I quickly left work to go to my parents so I could be there for my dad.  We decided to book flights to the Philippines in order to make the funeral.  My sis would have to stay because of school, but my parents and I were going to go for sure.  Because I already looked at flights earlier, I was able to get it done quickly despite my zombie state.

Later on my mom forwarded an email from my uncle.  Turns out Nanay Carmen was starting to show signs of "wanting to rest."  Most of her close girlfriends were gone except her.  She wasn't eating as much.  And when her dog Peachie (a streetdog she adopted) passed away suddenly, my uncle describes this grief as the "tipping point."  I was back to crying like a baby when I read this part.  Something clicked inside me.

I can't help but feel that I was so affected by that book not only because of the amazing stories of dogs that might have been killed or abandoned but instead go on to save lives, but also because of what was happening half a world away with the beloved matriarch of the Garcia family.  And now my bags are packed and I will be leaving for the airport in less than two hours.  

Rest in Peace, Nanay Carmen.  I miss you.

  

Animals Are Fabulous.

It's amazing how Hachi went from carefree bliss at daycare (photo courtesy of daycare tweet)

to the cone of misery 

in less than a week.  An unfortunate foray into a bushy area in the dog park resulted in a punctured and inflamed paw.  The limp worsened enough to warrant a visit to the vet, who prescribed antibiotics and a cone.  Poor thing.  No doggie daycare this past week.

But he was full of energy and good to go again this weekend.  There was dogpark fun and there was also a doggie play date :)  He has a new female friend!  I can't help but post pics of these two adorable blue heeler crosses.

Amazing resilient beings, dogs.

Another favourite animal of mine is the elephant.  I was thinking about all the cruelty and bullshit animals have to go through and realized that if I ever came across an elephant, I wouldn't want to ride the elephant anymore (like I used to in my childhood).  Instead I would just want to be in his or her presence, admiring such a magnificent and intelligent creature. 

I was watching one of Anthony Bourdain's travelling and eating shows - he was in Northern India and was in a house that was super duper old school English.  It was owned by Englishmen and then by Indian rulers and now the descendants of said rulers.  Things were looking delicious and elegant until the camera focused on an old picture of Englishmen standing proudly in front of an elephant they had just killed.  Please redefine "civilized" vs. "savage," sirs.

Mind Farts

-so much for spring arriving in Edmonton!  there is so much snow!  i won't complain though, just because i prefer snow to mud when walking Hachi.  i think most dog owners do

-oh man ... Padmanadi's general tao chicken has replaced their ginger beef as my new favourite vegan guilty pleasure.  i hope they make it permanent soon (it's currently just a special)

-saw some live bands at the Starlite this weekend.  not my usual type of music and enjoyed pseudo-dancing and people-watching.  mosh pits are a good way to get bruised up (i was just a spectator of course - i would've been annihilated in there!)

-reception venue has now been officially reserved! hotel mac it is (photo from Jennifer Bergman Weddings)

-saw Still Alice.  Julianne Moore was great in it.  Alzheimer's is terrifying :(  

-i actually beeped at someone yesterday (i rarely ever do).  encountering some really bad drivers lately, including the airhead who ran a stop sign and cracked my bumper.  this is what makes me scared to drive a shiny new car

-kudos to CBC for doing interviews with Canadian Muslim women and their opninions on hijabs and niqabs. it's nice to hear their voices and why they choose to or not to wear these traditional pieces of fashion as opposed to blind media coverage

Facing the Big White Fluffy Sparkly Behemoth.

In January I was still a tad overwhelmed with the thought of planning a wedding.  So I put it off.

In February the questions and advice from friends and family kept coming, which made wedding planning thoughts hit me more and more and so I decided to tackle this task by treating it like one of my work projects.  It worked.  I was soothed by emails and lists and spreadsheets and now we have reserved a date for later this year with the reception venue that we both had as the top pick on our lists.  I don't want to jinx anything - final decision date is tomorrow.  I figured that the reception venue would be the toughest availability to nail down and once that task was accomplished, all the other details would fall into place. 

We'll find out soon enough!

Thankfully work is still busy - even with the sketchy oil prices. There is a life lesson they don't teach you in school: a North American wedding costs a lot more than you would initially imagine!  I know, I know - why follow what North American society dictates?  Why not do a destination wedding?  Why not elope?  Save the money instead!   Get a car.  Put it into a down payment on a house!  Initially he wanted traditional and I was daydreaming about a beach somewhere.

But somehow, the traditional local wedding started to grow on me.  Why not pick a venue we both like?  We both have good jobs.  Why not splurge a little more and pick a beautiful place that doesn't need much extra decor and extra work?  Why not pick an easy-to-get-to local spot so that most of our loved ones can make it?  I know white folk love to do roadtrip weddings in the mountains or at a lake, but coloured folk like their cozy hotel ballrooms - where one can drive less than an hour, socialize, drink, eat and dance without having to make a road trip.  Third world folks prefer cozy to rugged.  Third world folks also tend to have huge weddings (hello 400-people-strong guestlists).

And so we compromised.  Traditional and max 250 guests (limited by beautiful venue).  With white people food.

Mind Farts

-watched a friend compete at her ballroom competition.  enjoyed the beauty and polish and flare of the results of hours of dance practice.  but it also made me realize i still relish my relaxed and healing state (ankle still doesn't like high heels).  no rush to get back into dance just yet

-plus, aside from all the wedding stuff, there's still so much to learn at work and yoga!  i can't seem to get away from learning in parallel

-wine gums = crack cocaine

-dairy = kryptonite

-kale chips (vegan sour cream & chive) = healthy crack cocaine

-found a gem of a Sri Lankan restaurant in the southside.  with a ton of vegan options!  never busy at lunch, fast and reasonabley priced.  dosas are magical giant lentil-based crepes that make me happy

-i read articles on India's Daughter, the documentary on the brutal inhuman gang rape and murder of Jyoti Singh, the brave victim who fought back and fought to stay alive for another thirteen days.  i could not believe what the rapists and their *lawyers* were saying about how it was all her fault and how women should "never fight back" and "deserve it" if they are on out at night with a friend.  it makes me so sick - especially since she was a physiotherpy intern and probably knew exactly how much they were ripping her apart internally while the rape was happening.  and how there is absolutely no remorse coming from the murderers or the defense lawyers.  how the hell do these idiots view their mothers ... their sisters ... their daughters ... ?  there is pure evil in this world

-women form part of this madness too.  how about the women who are leaving their cozy educated Canadian lives to go be wives for ISIS?  and the Edmonton woman who recruits them?  SERIOUSLY?  Happy International Women's Day :(

-for the sake of positivity, i need to remind myself what is going right with women around me: 

     -i can take care of and provide for myself, and so can all my girlfriends

     -we choose our partners freely and without need.  just want

     -we were able to get educated without fearing for our lives

     -we run errands, go to work, date and drink without fear of being attacked or gang raped

     -we can read and wear whatever we want to (even if in poor taste)

-Happy International Women's Day - here's to being able to challenge ourselves, win victories and make mistakes freely and safely

Can Hate Unite?

It's hard not to imagine the rest of the world boiling with as much anger and disgust as I feel when I read and hear about all the IS (or whatever the hell acronym they decided on) atrocities swirling around in the media.  

They beheaded innocent kidnapped Japanese men, one of whom was an exceptionally compassionate and courageous journalist.  Most people would not leave the safety and warmth of home and family to look for a captured friend and investigate a horrific war zone.  Even his past war stories focused on the human casualties of war, especially children.  It's almost like he was just too ahead of his time ... too good and too true for what was going on around him.  He even used his own money to do his reporting.

Then came the unimaginable burning of a Jordanian man who wasn't even 30 yet.  Burned alive in a cage. I try to imagine this happening to a loved one and the thought is crippling.  I cannot even begin to wonder how his parents and siblings feel.  

And still more abductions, more deaths ...

Such instant rage when I think of this.  How can you not want revenge?  To hurt and disfigure these shitheads a million times more than what they've already done to innocents ...  No wonder they've now got all kinds of people wanting them gone ... way to piss off all the nations of the world.

I try to focus on one of the recent quotes circulating from the online archives of the murdered Japanese journalist himself:

"Hate is not for humans. That is what I learned from my Arabic brothers and sisters."

-Kenji Goto

But I'm still pissed.  And I admittedly take some satisfaction in heads of state setting aside their differences and putting their heads together to fight.  Haters unite!  (For now.)

Mind Farts

-until the suicides started being covered in the news recently, I had no idea how high the rates were for first responders!  paramedics and cops and firefighters are the ones we depend on to save our lives but who is going to save theirs? :(  

-ok happy thoughts ... i went to the waterpark recently and it was like being a kid again. i actually haven't gone since i was a kid.  going on waterslides is a little different as an adult and i'm still too chicken to go on the crazy ones with the crazy drops.  my favourite part was being in a tube in the wavepool and ramming into random people without fault.  close second: when everyone squeals at the wave horn!

-the smell of chlorine induces ketchup cravings in me.  it stems from my childhood days of swimming lessons and being ravenous afterwards, which led to the buying of ketchup chips from the vending machine.  i can still remember my pruney pool fingers turning red with ketchup seasoning :)

-more happy thoughts ...  Hachi's latest development: he is obsessed with chasing after the ball (he used to stare blankly at balls being thrown)!  now we just need to figure out how to get him to bring it back directly (on a good day he will drop the ball ahead in your path)

-post-daycare Hachi: